While I have never been asked this question directly, some people have assumed that someone buys and picks out my clothes on some level. I am a woman with a more severe physical disability which often affects some people’s perception of me, causing them to assume that I am less than competent and could never be capable of having good taste in aspects in life. Heaven forbid that a woman with a disability as severe as mine would have taste like women without disabilities do!
When I get compliments on what I am wearing. I am always graceful in my thank you’s; that is until the person goes on to comment how nice my mom dresses me. I sit there for a moment stunned by such a ludicrous assumption; sadly I know it comes from the belief that someone like me could never have the capacity to dress nicely, much less shop for these clothes.
I will certainly give credit where credit is due! As a young child, my mom and grandma (maternal) felt it important to dress me nicely. We did not always have the means to buy clothes often, but they tried their best. My mom taught me about matching colors; she says she now depends on me to tell her what looks good and what does not. I credit my eye for design and color combination to her as well; I have had at least one Media Arts instructor compliment me on this, which I certainly credited my mom for.
I have also had some people compliment the way I have my hair styled, but then say that my mom combs me so nicely. I’m sure they see my fingers curled and assume that there is no way I could comb my hair myself. While it is definitely not easy for me to get my hair to cooperate how I want to, I somehow find a way. My hair has a slight curl to it, so that helps in my favor. I’m not able to do some hair-related things such as pull my hair back in a ponytail or braid my hair; I know which hairstyles I can manage on my own and usually stick to those. It is also difficult for me to use products and hair spray myself, so I do get assistance with that
Another female-related issue I sometimes run into is when I go to the department store to buy cologne. It’s tough enough to have my speech difficulty to deal with, but now I have the saleswoman trying to convince me that the cologne that I want to purchase is too old (although yes they do carry it) and that she wants to sell me on something new. I can initially take that as a nice suggestion, but when I am being too pressured and not being able to purchase what I want, that is when I have a problem.
An occurrence that initially upset me a bit but now I laugh at is when salespeople are at the front of department stores giving away cologne samples in hopes of making sales. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been offered a sample stick. I am dressed nicely when I walk in, with my hair fixed and light makeup on. The fact of the matter is that the instant they see that I have a disability, they look past me assuming that there is no way that I could know about or be interested in cologne or perfume. I can bet that the severity of my disability strengthens the perception in their mind.
I am so thankful when I get to interact with salespeople who have helped me before and know that my disability plays absolutely no part when it comes to my purchasing of finer items (my finances might a bit, but definitely not my disability)! As a younger woman, I was sometimes concerned that salespeople would think that I didn’t even know the concept of money, that items were not free and had to be paid for. This might sound bizarre or on the brink of lunacy; you definitely have to experience this firsthand to fully understand.
If society would only understand that people with disabilities are absolutely no different than anyone else – why is it so difficult to comprehend this? If you experience a disabling injury tomorrow, does that make you less than a person losing your style and taste? Of course not!
As always, I welcome all opinions and thoughts! See you in February!